everytime i look at you now, my heart breaks.
i want you.
i don't want you.
i want everything.
and i know that this is not possible.
maybe time will pass and this will have been a horrible dream.
one in which i was the villain who broke two hearts.
one in which i want to hug you.
and kiss you.
and lay with you.
but you're the only person in the world that i can't do that with.
and i'm the only person in the world you don't want to do that with.
i want to say sorry in every language that i know.
the only problem is, sorry, in every language that i know is not enough.
even if i was linguistically gifted and i knew how to say sorry in more than one language, it would not be enough.
maybe i will find myself in your arms.
laughing at my stupidity.
maybe i won't.
i've loved you forever.
and i wish i could just undo this last month.
rewind back to that moment in which i started to question the only thing i have known these last few years.
that you are the love of my life.
that one day i will see a child - half you - half me
and that child will call me mum
and call you dad
and we will embarrass that child
and love that child
and teach that child that it is possible to have a forever kind of love
that one day i will see you waiting for me at the altar.
i hate me right now.
because i love you so much and i never wanted to hurt you.
i never want to hurt you.
home was you.
and here i sit alone hoping you're okay.
waiting for my takeaway food hoping that we get past this
and that one day, at the very least, you and i can have a coffee
and smile and make awkward jokes
it feels like a waste of love
but i know that if i lose you after this, that i probably never deserved to have your love
i'm sorry
i love you